Attention murderers, rapists, thieves, and generally anyone else who wants to vitimize the public: your next easy target is waiting for you at Maryville and Alcoa City parks! That's right, the Maryville and Alcoa city councils have given you a green-light to patrol these areas so you can more easily find your next victim. By voting to ban guns in parks, you no longer need to worry about citizens fighting back. And you think the police will get you? Please, you'll be long gone before the police even know about what you've done.
So the next time you're shooting a guy in the chest or taking that lady's purse, be sure to send a "Thank You" note to the Maryville and Alcoa city councils. Because, after all, they're on your side!